Guy's Buggy Emporium — Quality Buggies, Horse Not Included

CURRENT INVENTORY

THE LANCASTER GRAY

The classic box-top. Gray, because that's what they come in. Built to last 25–30 years, which is longer than most marriages and all Kias.

Top speed	5–8 mph (horse dependent)
Range	~20 mi, then the horse needs a snack
Brakes	Drum. Real ones.
Battery	Undercarriage mount (SAFETY!)

$8,999

* Horse not included. Horse never included.

I WANT THIS BUGGY

HOT!!

THE COURTING BUGGY

Open top. One bench. Zero roof. For the young, the reckless, and the recently rained-on. Guy's #1 seller among people who do not check the weather.

Seats	2 (snugly)
Roof	Sky
Suspension	Leaf spring + optimism
Lights	LED kit optional (see Accessories)

$5,499

* Horse not included. Umbrella not included either.

I WANT THIS BUGGY

THE FAMILY SURREY

Two benches. Officially seats 6. Unofficially seats 9 if everyone likes each other. The minivan of the plain community. Comes in black, gray, or "ask Guy."

Seats	6 (9 if friendly)
Doors	Flaps
Cup holders	Optional — YES REALLY
Heater	Propane, optional

$12,400

* Horse not included. Second horse also not included.

I WANT THIS BUGGY

FULLY LOADED

THE GUY EDITION™

Air-ride suspension. LED strip across the brow. Speedometer (top reading: 8). Propane heater. TWO cup holders. This exact spec actually sold at auction in PA. Guy was there. Guy was shaken.

Suspension	AIR BAG (real)
Lights	9 + LED brow strip
Speedometer	Yes. Why. Yes.
Stereo	Ask your bishop

$18,400

* AUCTION PRICE. "And that doesn't include the horse."

I WANT THIS BUGGY

GUY'S OCTOBER BLOWOUT

Guy's wife said the lot has to be cleared by Thanksgiving. EVERYTHING MUST GO (slowly, at 6 mph).

0% APR FOR 0 MONTHS

After that, it's cash. Guy's accountant (also Guy) insists.

BUY 2 WHEELS, GET 2 WHEELS

Buggies need 4. We are simply being honest with you.

TRADE-IN ANYTHING

Cars, boats, lawn tractors, a decent chair. Guy will give you something. It will not be a lot.

BUGGY LOANS AVAILABLE

This one is actually real — credit unions in Amish country offer them. Guy is just a middleman with a website.

FREE DELIVERY*

*Within 20 miles. That is as far as the horse goes. You are also providing the horse.

GUY'S BEST OFFER

Buy a surrey, Guy will throw in a tube man. Not the red one. Guy likes the red one.

CALL NOW: 1-800-BUG-GUYS ... that's one too many letters, just call the regular number ... MUD SALE SEASON IS COMING ... GUY WILL BEAT ANY PRICE (he will not) ...

ACCESSORIES & UPGRADES

SLOW-MOVING VEHICLE TRIANGLE

Required in most states. Guy's most important product and he knows it.

$14.99

12V LED BROW STRIP

Be seen. Be judged. Be seen being judged.

$89

DUAL CUP HOLDER

Real option on real buggies. Holds coffee at up to 8 mph.

$39

PROPANE HEATER

Toasty. Church-sanctioned in many districts. Check your Ordnung before checkout.

$249

UNDERCARRIAGE BATTERY MOUNT

Battery goes under the floor instead of in the cab. Safer in a crash. Guy is serious about this one.

$120

HORSE (SOLD SEPARATELY)

1 HP. Runs on hay. Mileage varies. Not technically an accessory but people keep asking.

$1,500–$3,000

ALL-WEATHER FLOOR MATS

Mud sale? More like mud SAVE. Guy wrote that himself.

$29

THE TUBE MAN

Mount it to your buggy. Confuse everyone on Route 30.

$399

PIMP MY BUGGY

Guy's Custom Shop. Bring us a plain gray box. Leave in a plain gray box that can be heard from Lancaster.

THE "SUNDAY BEST" PACKAGE

Everything below, installed by Guy in one weekend (three weekends).

BEFORE: $8,999 AFTER: $47,230

* Horse not included. Horse will NOT get in this.

PIMP MINE

TWIN 15" SUBWOOFERS

2,000 watts in the rear bench. The horse can feel the bass through the harness. The horse does not like it.

$1,899

ROOF-MOUNTED LASER ARRAY

RGB. Beat-synced. Visible from the next county. Technically a "slow-moving vehicle light."

$750

CHROME SPINNERS (x4)

Keep spinning after you stop. At 6 mph, they were barely spinning before you stopped.

$2,400

HYDRAULIC SUSPENSION

Three-wheel motion. Hop at red lights. Buggy already has air-ride; this is the next logical mistake.

$3,200

NEON UNDERGLOW

Purple. Lights up the road AND the horse's legs. Finally, a buggy you can see at night (the point of buggy lights, actually).

$349

FLIP-DOWN 7" SCREEN

Plays one DVD: a 90-minute loop of a horse walking. Immersive.

$599

REAR-BENCH HOT TUB

Seats 2. Adds 900 lbs. Horse now requires a second horse. Both horses not included.

$4,800

LA CUCARACHA HORN

For passing. You will never pass anyone. Honk anyway.

$79

FUZZY DICE + HORSE-SIZED FUZZY DICE

One pair for the buggy, one pair for the horse. Matching set. Non-negotiable.

$24 / $240

Guy's Custom Shop is not responsible for your horse's hearing, your bishop's opinion, or the Virginia State Police.

WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT GUY

"I asked for a horse. He said 'horse not included.' I asked where to get a horse. He said 'not here.' Five stars, very honest."
— Darlene, Winchester

"The tube man scared my actual horse. Guy refunded the tube man. Kept the buggy. Love the buggy."
— Jed, Leesburg

"Took it on the Beltway once. Do not do this. Buggy was fine. I was not."
— Anonymous, Falls Church

"Guy beat the dealer price by $0. He is a man of his word."
— Pat, Manassas

SIGN GUY'S GUESTBOOK / GET A QUOTE

Tell Guy which buggy. Tell Guy about your horse. Guy will get back to you by horse.